Problem No. 1: Same Old, Same Old
The Solution: Spice It Up
“When you’re in a long-term relationship, you get into a routine,” says Renee Horowitz, MD, an obstetrician-gynecologist and founder of the Center for Sexual Wellness in Farmington Hills, Mich. “There’s biological evidence that novel experiences cause the release of dopamine in the brain.” (Dopamine is a chemical messenger that’s connected to the pleasure center in your brain.) “That’s why it’s so much easier to get excited in a new relationship — everything is novel and your brain responds accordingly.”
Obviously, you can’t switch partners every time the excitement wanes. Instead, change up some of the other factors. “Try a different place, a different time, a different position,” Horowitz suggests. Have a morning quickie. Try sex in the shower, or on the kitchen island. (Clean up afterward.)
Problem No. 2: Too Much to Do, Too Tired
The Solution: Take a Romantic Break
All couples are tired at the end of a long day with many demands. By the time you get everyone to bed and deal with unavoidable chores, you just don’t have the energy for a romantic evening.
It’s time to change that.
“You have to prioritize what’s important,” says sex educator Sadie Allison, a member of the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors, and Therapists. Her best-selling books include Ride ‘Em Cowgirl! and Tickle Your Fancy. “Tired as you might be, it’s OK to just make it a quickie sometimes. Sex is so important to the overall health of your relationship.”
Instead of waiting until just before you put out the lights, take a break for a romantic encounter beforethe evening’s chores. “Make space and time where you can escape and get creative,” Allison says. Even if that time is in your house (or car, or backyard). “Look, it isn’t going to happen spontaneously,” Allison says. “You have to find the time and make a date.”
Problem No. 3: ‘Who Are You?’